The Learning Curve Chronicles: Tiny Privileges
- Kris Alexander
- 1 day ago
- 6 min read
In this monthly blog series, Circles USA Chief Learning Officer Kris Alexander shares insights on her learning journey, sources of inspiration, and what excites her about her work. The column offers a behind-the-scenes perspective on the learning curve that drives growth and progress at CUSA as we continually deepen and enhance our mission of building community to end poverty.
I have been thinking a lot lately about a seemingly minor privilege that I have now, for the first time in my life: automatic bill pay.
I know you may be thinking, “What? Kris, that is not a privilege, that is a convenience.” I beg to differ.
When I was experiencing poverty as a single mom, all of the many financial literacy classes, blogs, and experts suggested turning on automatic bill pay so that you always paid bills first, and therefore “always had money to pay them.” However, that doesn’t actually work in real life.
My experience with automatic bill pay was that money—often an unknown amount—would come out of my account unexpectedly. It would quite often overdraft my account, and I would end up having to pay an overdraft fee on top of the bill I already wasn’t expecting to come out. I clearly remember conversations begging companies to return money from automatic payments that I had already budgeted for something else more important at that moment, like putting gas in the car to get to work.
Automatic bill payment only lasted a (horrifying) couple months for me before I turned it off. At that time, I would rather have had my lights turned off than try to figure out how to feed my son and pay off the $35 overdraft fee that accompanied the “convenience.” It might have come with begging representatives at the water company to give us just a few more days before they turned our water off—but that was better than the alternative for me.
I recently completed The Trauma of Money course, which gave language and validation to the financial trauma I’ve carried for years. It helped me understand how poverty creates not just logistical challenges, but deep nervous system responses around money: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. What I have experienced isn’t a failure of budgeting or discipline; it is my body reacting to real fear and instability caused by a lack of opportunities and resources. Automatic bill pay is framed as a simple solution, but for someone living paycheck-to-paycheck, it can easily become a threat, not a tool. The same is true for a budget. While often taught as the answer to all your money problems in financial literacy courses, it can cause more harm than good. This is especially true for someone experiencing poverty and relying on minor miracles every month to make ends meet. The pressure to "just get organized" and “cut out luxuries” ignores the somatic imprint of scarcity and lived experience of poverty.
That trauma has lasted throughout my life, and even once I was more financially stable, I never turned automatic bill pay back on. The budgeting tools that would help me know when and what was coming out often have subscription fees, and I’ve never been “budgeting app rich,” as I call it. Additionally, the absolute terror of having a company take money out of my bank account, seemingly at their own whim, kept me from ever pursuing it again.
Circles USA understands that these experiences aren't just anecdotal, they're systemic. In Circles, we are supporting individuals and families as they leave poverty behind permanently. That includes naming the lingering stress responses, trauma, and emotional weight of trying to navigate systems that were never designed for people with limited resources. Circles also focuses on removing the actual barriers that keep people in poverty. One of those is the idea that financial literacy alone is enough to get someone out of poverty.
In 2021, my now-spouse and I moved in together and combined our finances. Ryan had only ever used automatic bill pay and was incredibly confused as to why I wasn’t taking advantage of this convenience. With their support and reassurance, I eventually agreed to try it again. I still had moments of fear and activation when I saw money come out of our account that I didn’t realize was drafting that day, but the money was always there to cover the cost without a hard decision or overdraft fee attached. It took the power of community for me to move forward instead of remaining stuck in my trauma.
That journey hasn’t always been a smooth one. Like most couples, money has been one of our primary sources of disagreement. We both handle money—and our anxiety and stress around money—very differently. Just six months ago, we finally decided we needed a budgeting app to help us stay on top of our finances . We became “budgeting app rich.” That $120 we spend a year has been life-changing for us. We no longer argue about money, we know where every dollar is, we’ve paid off some relatively significant debt and even financed a new car! What a privilege it is to have money for a budgeting tool.
Circles teaches individuals and families that community support and practical tools work hand-in-hand. No one gets out of poverty alone. Whether it's being able to ask, “How do you keep up with it all?”, sharing overwhelm without shame, recognizing the trauma poverty has caused in our lives, or expressing the emotional relief of feeling in control of our finances for the first time. Circles not only reminds us that transformation happens in relationship; it also provides a community for those necessary, intentional friendships to thrive. Just like The Trauma of Money helps recognize the patterns we are stuck in, Circles offers a way to build new patterns—collectively.
Honestly, I haven’t worried for months about what we pay in bills. It comes out, the budgeting app tracks it, and I simply go in and approve the amount. I couldn’t even tell you what day we pay any of our bills.
Habits are hard to break, and trauma stays in our subconscious brain and nervous system long after we are safe. Pretty regularly, I will panic and forget that bills are automatically paid. I will wonder if the electricity, or the water, or the internet is about to get cut off. My brain will go to the worst-case scenario, and I will think about how I can’t do my job without internet, and that my boss will fire me. The past sense of scarcity, fear, and worry stays with me—even now, when my spouse and I both have incredible jobs with understanding bosses (months without water, electricity, and internet after Hurricane Helene proved that). There’s plenty of money in the bank (we have a cushion that our accounts never go below… talk about privilege), and all our bills are paid on time. No more digging in couch cushions for rent change.
Every time I panic, then remember what my life is like now, relief floods over me and I am overwhelmingly grateful for the privilege of automatic bill pay. As recently as a couple years ago, I would have told you I was not ever going to experience the luxury of not worrying about bills. It seemed like a unicorn experience, something only ultra-rich folks got to do.
We all have our personal definitions of success. Automatic bill pay and using a budgeting app is mine. Yes, my home, job, spouse, new car, and incredibly spoiled pets are up there—but nothing gives me quite the sense of relief and comfort as those two tiny “conveniences” that began as a threat for me.
I wish this for everyone. And programs like Circles and tools like The Trauma of Money make it more than just wishful thinking. It’s possible. Maybe automatic bill pay and budgeting apps aren’t the definition of success for you. Maybe it’s having central heating and air conditioning, or a yard, or being able to go on vacation once a year. I know one person whose “made-it moment” was having water and ice in their refrigerator door, and another for whom it was owning Yankee Candles. Maybe it’s spending more time with your family because you no longer
need that second job, having enough money for your child to buy a birthday present for a friend, or simply being able to stay
home and rest when you're not feeling well.
These small things may seem insignificant, but I think they are everything. They’re how we rewire our nervous systems. They’re one way we reclaim dignity. And in the context of Circles and trauma-informed tools, they are how we begin to build a future that doesn’t just look different, but feels different too.
Tell me your “made-it moment” in the comments. What tiny things in your life feel like success to you? Let’s celebrate together.
Read more from Kris on her monthly Circles USA blog, The Learning Curve Chronicles: