The Learning Curve Chronicles: Cultivating Intentional Friendships
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
In this monthly blog series, Circles USA Chief Learning Officer Kris Alexander shares insights on her learning journey, sources of inspiration, and what excites her about her work. The column offers a behind-the-scenes perspective on the learning curve that drives growth and progress at CUSA as we continually deepen and enhance our mission of building community to end poverty.
A few weeks ago—just in time for the annual International Day of Friendship—I had the opportunity to visit one of my closest friends in person. (For privacy purposes, I’ll call her “Joan”.) Joan and I became friends back in 2021 through the spiritual organization we are both a part of. I was looking for volunteers to guest present virtually in my community, and Joan showed up. I thought at first that it would be a one time thing, but she continued to be a guest in our community, showing up weekly to our virtual services, and eventually joining as a member.
After we both left that community, we remained close, continuing to cultivate the relationship that started as a formal connection. We chat once a week on the phone, text regularly, and even get on the occasional zoom together. We spend time sharing about our lives, our families, our celebrations, and our challenges. She is one of my most adored friends.
I say this despite the fact that, before this trip, Joan and I had never met in person. She lives in Iowa, and I have lived in both Virginia and North Carolina in the time we have been friends. Neither of us had an opportunity to visit the other until last month, when my work for Circles USA took me to Kansas City, only three hours from her. When I texted to ask Joan if I could come visit and stay with her and her daughter, she was overjoyed. We excitedly planned our visit; I was finally going to meet her family and see all of the places that she loves so much and tells me about regularly!
Joan is 83 and not someone I would typically cross paths with in my day-to-day life. However, our commitment to our spiritual community was enough common ground to bring us together. As the matriarch of her family, she has adult grandkids about the same age as my son. She spends lots of time doing all of the things that incredible elders do, things that I rarely have time for: being a docent for elementary and middle school students on field trips, creating and facilitating classes in her local spiritual center, and walking down the road to hang out with a local sculpture artist and learn about his art.
The trip was wonderful. When we met and hugged, it felt like we had spent our lives together in person. We quickly and easily fell into a rhythm, eating delicious food, taking walks, and chatting together with her daughter until late in the evening. She helped me discover a new way to enjoy art as we toured her museum and hosted a pizza party so I could meet her friends and extended family.
We even discovered that we both do a daily crossword puzzle, and got up in the mornings to do it together. I have continued to think about her each time I work on my daily crossword.
This relationship has been a cornerstone of my life for many years. Joan has loved me through rough times, including the move to North Carolina (where the movers lost our stuff for two months!) and facing several significant mental health challenges. She celebrates my wins, like my marriage and buying a house. And she has provided a much-needed listening ear when I am upset about something that is just not working out, like a work project that I am stuck on or uncertainty about what is next in my life. I have done the same for her through health challenges, concerns for her family, and finding her purpose at this time of her life. Our relationship is built on far more than proximity or commonality; it is built on love and respect.
This is a profound example of what is possible when people come together as friends across lines of difference. And this is what Circles is all about. When our Circle Leaders are matched with middle- and upper-income Allies, they connect over far more than just coaching or goal-setting support. Circles participants become lifelong friends with radically different neighbors by finding the common ground that exists for us all. Like my friendship with Joan, participating in a Circles chapter establishes the common ground we need to cultivate deep relationships and create more opportunities to connect.
Many of our Allies and Circle Leaders name “finding lifelong friendships” as one of the best parts of being in Circles: a secret recipe for belonging and community, mixed with a bit of intentionality and the art of connection. When we share a meal with a diverse group of people, we have no choice but to grow and transform for the better. I wish this for everyone. If it is something you are seeking, I encourage you to find (or start) a Circles chapter near you.
Read more from Kris on her monthly Circles USA blog, The Learning Curve Chronicles:
